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Japanese Prank
Fucking funny la. The victim is obviously fucking tulan. Hahahaha
On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his brand new bike.
The cop says to the kid, “Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?”
The kid says, “Yeah.”
The cop says, “Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike.” The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket. The kid takes the ticket and before the cop rides off says, “By the way, that’s a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?”
Humouring the kid, the cop says, “Yeah, he sure did.”
The kid says, “Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top.”
More than Words – Jung Sungha
This boy is… good!
Heard of FML? It means Fuck My Life.
Now I come up with a new phrase. It is called LML. Love My Life.
After completing my psychology module, I am kind of a skeptic towards online personality tests. But this one kind of surprise me. In fact, I would say 90% is true.
Go try it out yourself! Link here
Anyway, below is the results with my comments. Haha.
Your view on yourself:
You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don’t like conflict. Because you’re so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you. I beg to differ though. Not a lot of people like to talk to me leh. Haha
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true. Yes yes!
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you met that person. True for first part. Though I take a while to think about whether the person is right or not and I may be wrong sometimes.
The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren’t interested in wasting time with people you don’t really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love. Yes yes!
Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can. Yes yes!
The right job for you:
You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don’t focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success. Totally true.
How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying. Ya true…
What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It’s time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear. Very true!
Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long. Very true!
According to http://www.friendshipstats.com (an app on Facebook) I have 397 friends, 277 more than average. 56% are male, 44% are female. 148 are single, 107 are dating or married. If I contracted a deadly variant of flu, I would likely infect 12 people, 2 of whom would…die. When I share something on Facebook, it is typically viewed by 26 people. If I died today, an estimated 498 people would try to attend my funeral. Based on my Facebook profile, I have a 92% probability of getting married. I am likely to earn US$1.8 million and have 2.4 children over my lifetime. Calculate your own stats at http://www.friendshipstats.com.
How random and useless this information can get? Haha
A guy phones a law firm and says, “I want to speak to my lawyer.” The receptionist says, “I’m sorry, but your lawyer died last week.” The next day the same guy phones the law firm and says, “I want to speak to my lawyer.” Once again the receptionist replies, “I’m sorry, but your lawyer died last week.”
The next day the guy makes his regular call to the law firm and say, “I want to speak to my lawyer.” “Excuse me sir,” the receptionist says, “but this is third time I’ve had to tell you that your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?” The guy replies, “Because I love hearing it!”
It is now 00:13 in the morning and I have a sudden big craving for chocolate. Milk chocolate to be exact. Right now, I am fighting the urge to pick myself up from my seat and go downstairs to 7-11 to buy chocolate.
The past 3 days was spent on doing assignments. Frigging sianz. It has been ages since I spend so much time on a particular assignment. To my little sister, I understand your pain. Hey, at least you have KoKo Krunch okay?
I miss dance. Badly. It has kind of become a routine to head down to Studio Wu every Tuesday to dance, so much so that it is like an addiction and every Tuesday is the day I get to enjoy my dose. Now, with both performances over, there is no more Tuesday dance practice to look forward to and i am starting to get withdrawal symptoms. Great. I fully understand now how San San feels occasionally.
Okay, got to sleep soon. Work tomorrow. Then back to assignments. I hate to admit it but during this period of time, I can only say FML.
A few days after Christmas, A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new electric train set in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son yell “All you sons of bitches who want to get off, get the hell off now, because this is the last stop! All of you sons of bitches that are getting on, get your asses in the train cause we’re leaving”. The mother went in and told her son, “we don’t use that kind of language in this house.” Now I want you to go into your room for two hours. When you come out, you can play with your train, but I don’t want to hear any bad language.
Two hours later, the son comes out of his room and continues playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard the son say, “All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your ride was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon. For those of you who are just boarding the train, we ask that you stow all of your hand luggage under the seat, remember there is no smoking except on the club car. We hope you have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today”.
“For those of you who are pissed off with the two hour delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen.”
Brain Exercise
Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it’s important that we keep mentally alert. The saying: “If you don’t use it, you will lose it” also applies to the brain.
Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence. So take the following test presented here and determine if you are losing it or are still a MENSA candidate. OK, relax, clear your mind and
.
.
.
begin.
1. What do you put in a toaster?
The answer is bread. If you said “toast”, then give up now and go do something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said “bread”, go to question 2.
2. Say “silk” five times. Now spell “silk”. What do cows drink?
Answer: Cows drink water. If you said “milk”, please do not attempt the next question. Your brain is obviously overstressed and may even overheat. It may be that you need to content yourself with reading something more appropriate such as “Children’s World”. If you said “water” then proceed to question three.
3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a greenhouse made from?
Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said “green bricks”, what the heck are you still doing here reading these questions? If you said “glass”, then go on to question four.
4. Twenty years ago, a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany. If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany. Anyway, during the flight, THREE of the engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he has time and the plane crashes smack in the middle of “no man’s land” between East Germany and West Germany. Where would you bury the survivors – East Germany or West Germany or in “no man’s land”?
Answer: You don’t, of course, bury survivors. If you said ANYTHING else, you are a real dunce and you must NEVER try to rescue anyone from a plane crash. Your efforts would not be appreciated. If you said, “Don’t bury the survivors” then proceed to the next question.
5. If the hour hand on a clock moves 1/60th of a degree every minute then how many degrees will the hour hand move in one hour?
Answer: One degree. If you said “360 degrees” or anything other than “one degree”, you are to be congratulated on getting this far, but you are obviously out of your league. Turn your pencil in and exit the room. Everyone else proceed to the final question.
6. Without using a calculator – You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on. In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. What was the name of the bus driver?
Answer: Oh, for goodness sake! It was YOU, Read the first line!!!
