You are currently browsing the monthly archive for May 2009.
From Cradle to Ladle
John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal his mother couldn’t
help noticing how beautiful John’s roommate was. She had long been suspicious of
a relationship between John and his roommate and this only made her more
curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she
started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the
eye.
Reading his mom’s thoughts, John volunteered, “I know what you must be
thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates.”
About a week later, Julie came to John and said, “Ever since your mother came
to dinner, I’ve been unable to find the beautiful gravy ladle. You don’t suppose
she took it, do you?”
John said, “Well, I doubt it, but I’ll write her a letter just to be sure”.
So, he sat down and wrote, “Dear Mother, I’m not saying you ‘did’ take a gravy
ladle from my house, and I’m not saying you ‘did not’ take a gravy ladle. But,
the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for
dinner.”
Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which
read: “Dear Son, I’m not saying that you ‘do’ sleep with Julie, and I’m not
saying that you ‘do not’ sleep with Julie. But, the fact remains that if she was
sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.
Love, Mom.
Lesson of the day: Don’t lie to your mother.
Emotion War!
LOLz.
The Secret to Ice Fishing
It was a cold winter day. An old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice and dropped in his fishing line. He was there for almost an hour, without even a nibble, when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice not far from him. The young boy dropped his fishing line and minutes later he hooked a Largemouth Bass.
The old man couldn’t believe his eyes but chalked it up to plain luck. But, shortly thereafter, the young boy pulled in another large catch.
The young boy kept catching fish after fish. Finally, the old man couldn’t take it any longer: “Son, I’ve been here for over an hour without even a nibble. You’ve been here only a few minutes and have caught a half dozen fish! How do you do it?”
The boy responded: “Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm.”
“What was that?” the old man asked.
Again the boy responded: “Roo raf roo reep ra rums rarrm.”
“Look,” said the old man, “I can’t understand a word you’re saying.”
The boy spit the contents of his mouth into his hand and said:
“You have to keep the worms warm!”
The Sims 3 Trailer
No no no no noooo. They got to be kidding. They can’t do that! Why? Why? Why? Why release it now?
I am sooooooo going to get my hands on it, by hook or by crook. The by crook method has a higher possibility.
Hahahahahaha
The Power of Observation
A lecturer teaching medicine was tutoring a class on “Observation.” In the class, he took out a jar of yellow liquid. “This,” he explained, “is urine. To be a doctor, you have to be observant to color, smell, sight, and taste.”
After saying this, he dipped his finger into the jar and put it into his mouth. His class watched on in amazement and disgust. But being the good students that they were, the jar was passed, and one by one, they dipped one finger into the jar and then put it into their mouth.
After the last student was done, the lecturer shook his head: “If any of you had been observant, you would have noticed that I put my second finger into the jar and my third finger into my mouth.”
The current module is making me understand the true meaning of brainfuck or mindfuck or whatever you want to call it.
I need to stop facebook-ing.
I am not suitable to work and study at the same time.
I am not suitable to work from home, or bring work home. Meaning to say, my work should just be restricted to the physical constraints of the office.
Ya.
So…
The old guards of AWARE are back after the current exco was ousted in a vote of no-confidence at the EGM yesterday.
Congrats. Really.
From this incident, we learned that within any organisation or association, credibility and trust are two very important things. To be a leader within any organisation, you must prove yourself to others that you deserve it, either through experience or results. Seriously, taking power is not by entering any organisation at the last minute with a group of your own gang and win whatever elections the organisation holds due to the large support behind you, no matter how legitimate the win is. What credibility do you have to display to the members? Where is the process of garnering the trust among the members?
Secondly, if you become a leader within any organisation, be it through the conventional way of having the credibility and trust of your members or the enter-the-organisation-and-snatch-power-by-winning-legitimate-elections way, frigging work on your etiquette and PR skills. Asking people to “SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN” at a meeting is kind of insulting, especially when the audience the phrase is intended for consists of adults, not primary school kids. And if you feel that the media has paint you in an unfavourable light, extend the invitation to the meeting to the media and use the meeting to clear yourself. Further condemning the media will only put you in a position worse than before. Being a mass comm student, i fully understand the not-so-nice consequences offending the media brings.
One day Bill complained to his friend, “My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor.”
His friend offered, “Don’t do that. There’s a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker an cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10.”
Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks.
Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:
Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren’t yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don’t stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better.
