You are currently browsing the monthly archive for March 2009.
In today’s joke, imagine yourself as a female.
One fine day, Me, You and your Boyfriend were travelling in a car on a rainy day with me as the driver. While negotiating a sharp turn, i lost control of the car and crashed into a tree, killing the three of us instantly.
So we floated up to the skies above and landed on Heaven. St. Peter met us at the Pearly Gates.
“Welcome to Heaven! For admission, we need you guys to head over to the Admission Counter at the end of this cloud path. Whatever you do, DO NOT step on the black cloud. If you do, a big, fat, ugly, disgusting biatch will appear and bring you straight to Hell. Good luck.”
I went ahead first, and just when the counter is in sight, a black cloud appear out of nowhere. Having no time to react, I accidentally stepped on it and a big, fat, ugly disgusting biatch appeared and dragged me down to Hell.
Your boyfriend went next and just when he was about to reach the counter, he too stepped on a black cloud which appeared out of nowhere. And again the big, fat, ugly biatch dragged your boyfriend down to Hell.
You went last and halfway through the path, a handsome guy appeared right in front of you.
“Oh holy crap! Don’t tell me i stepped on the blardy black cloud!”
An elementary school teacher was asking her students what their parents did for a living. “Jeffrey, please be first,” she said. “Tell the class, what does your mother do?” Jeffrey stood up and proudly boasted, “She’s a doctor.”
“That’s wonderful. How about you, Amy?” Amy shyly stood up, shuffled her feet a bit and said, “My dad’s a mailman.”
“Thank you, Amy,” said her teacher. “What about your father, Jimmy?” Jimmy proudly stood up and announced, “My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse!”
The teacher was taken aback, and promptly changed the subject to social studies. Later that day she went to Jimmy’s house and knocked on the door. Jimmy’s father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said, and demanded the father provide an explanation.
Jimmy’s father said, “Well, I’m actually an attorney. But how can you explain a thing like that to a six year old?”
It is close to one week since i started out on my internship. Well, there are good and bad things to it.
First of all, i get to stay at home most of the time because my company believes in working from home and i only need to report back for meetings. This is good because my workplace is a frigging 1-hr ride from my house. Can’t imagine if i travel up and down everyday.
Secondly, my workload now is okay, still manageable. I don’t know why, suddenly i got a lot of things to do this week. It is as if all the things conspire to flood me this week, especially when i just started on the internship. But it is quite fun though, working through the wee hours. At least now i can give my mum a satisfying answer when she complains about me not sleeping at the appropriate time. Hey, i am a nocturnal animal okay?
However, staying at home has its cons too. For one, i have to constantly fight off the temptation to just shut down my laptop and succumb to the lure of my ever-inviting bed. Then there is the occasional interesting TV show. Plus, staying at home means being subjected to being ordered around by my mum, like doing housechores, going down constantly to buy this and that.
Oh well. This will be my life for the next 6 months. Just have to accept it i guess…
On a irrelevant side note, SPH Holdings is cutting costs by implementing pay cuts and putting off hiring new people. Okay… meaning to say my dream of working at FiRST will be put off too… haiz.
Japan Airlines – Towards The Sky
Come April, I will be flying with them to Japan. Hope all the air stewardesses are just as pretty. =)
Today marks a new period in my life as I officially become an intern. Woohoo!
Eh, I can’t reveal much of my job scope but the kind company who took me in deals with IT. Ya.
I know you must be wondering why is the company an IT firm when i mentioned not too long ago i went for an interview for an internship at a PR firm. Apparently, i am not good enough for them. Oh well.
I know you must also be wondering what does IT has to do with my mass comm background. Well, i am not there as an engineer or technician. Haha. I am there to help them with their marketing strategies. Ya.
The best part is, I don’t need to be at the company everyday. Woohoo! Thank goodness as the company is near Yio Chu Kang. The travelling time is enough to kill anyone. And yes my dear sister Amanda, i can FULLY understand your pain when you start school this coming april. Haha.
In the fourth episode of Forensic Heroes II, the character Ding Ding, played by Linda Chung, died due to an car explosion.
Why?!
WHy?!
WHY?!
Why must the stupid scriptwriter kills off Linda in the show?
WHY?!
Drunken Reincarnation
James, as usual, came home really late one Saturday night after being at the bar all night drinking. Not only was he drunk, he was sloppy drunk. He carefully crept into bed next his wife, who fell sleep angry hours earlier, and gave her a goodnight kiss on the check in hopes that she wouldn’t wake up.
He awoke in the middle of the night to a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe. “Who the hell are you,” demanded James, “and what are you doing in my bedroom?” The mysterious man answered “This is not your bedroom, and my name is St. Peter”.
James didn’t take the news so well… “You mean I’m dead! That can’t be, I have so much to live for, I haven’t even said goodbye to my family… you’ve got to send me back right away!”
St. Peter replied “You cannot go back as you were, you have passed away James. However, you can be reincarnated – but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen.” James was devastated, but knowing that there was a farm just down the road from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen.
A flash of light later, he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking at corn on the ground. “This ain’t so bad,” he thought until he felt a strange feeling churning inside him. The farmyard rooster strolled over and said “So you’re the new hen, huh? How are you enjoying your first day here?” “It’s not so bad” replies James, “but I have this strange feeling inside like I’m about to explode”. “You’re ovulating” explained the rooster, “haven’t you ever laid an egg before?”
“Never” replies James.
“Well just relax and let it happen.”
And so he did, and just a few uncomfortable seconds later an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him – emotions got the better of him as he experienced the joy of motherhood for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that ever happened to him… ever!
The joy of motherhood continued to build and, just as he was just about to lay his third egg, he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shout “James, wake up you drunken bastard, you’re shitting the bed!”
Always Ready Opening Video
Currently my favourite HK drama series. Ya.
The Lease Buyback Scheme (LBS) targeting senior citizens was launched today.
For the uninitiated, in short, it means that HDB will buy back the senior citizens’ house, giving them 30 years to live in their current house while giving them some money every month through their CPF.
Sounds good? Extra income? That is, if the senior citizens do not live beyond the 30 years period.
If they do live beyond the 30 years period, “alternative arrangements such as nursing home stays, will be made for them.”
Woo. Alternative arrangements. Remember a certain minister who is very excited about the idea of nursing homes in Johor Bahru (JB) because the cost is significantly lower?
I don’t know, but the LBS and the nursing home thingy sounds like some fishy business.
If i am a senior citizen and i signed up for this LBS thing, i get money every month. I happy. If i die within 30 years, I still die happy cause no need to worry about my house and HDB is happy.
However, if i don’t die within 30 years, i not happy. Cause i need to worry about my house and prepare my passport to go over to JB under some alternative arrangements to die in some random and maybe ulu nursing home while HDB is still happy.
Seems like HDB will always be happy in any scenario.
But for me, ouch. Imagine 30 years down the road, some poor guy is evicted out of his house at the age of 90 just to be sent to some nursing home in JB…
